How To Make Your Hookup Miss You

Hey, it happens. You hang out with a girl, get to flirting, and eventually start having casual fun.

It's great! She's crazy in bed and wants to leave things casual. You start to spend more time and get to talking more with her, and then suddenly...

Uh oh. You caught some feelings, and now the idea of your fuck buddy dating anyone else feels like a hot knife through your larynx.

What do you do in this situation? Wait for her to bring up exclusivity in conversation? Tell her that you want to be her boyfriend?

While communicating is always a good thing, it can be terrifying.

One way to turn that fuck buddy into a woman you have an actual relationship with is to make her miss you when you're gone.

Let's talk about why making your hookup miss you can actually turn your casual fling into a real relationship, and how you can turn from just a hookup into a boyfriend.

But first, let's explore why you want her to miss you. Chances are, it's because you're starting to miss her.

Why Do I Miss Her Even Though She's Just A Hookup? The Reason People Miss Others

Often, you begin to miss a hookup because she means more to you than just a hot bod.

If a hookup leaves town and you start texting and calling as though you're in a long-distance relationship, you probably miss her.

But why does this happen if she's just a hookup? You both have your own life, and even though you have sexual chemistry, it's not like either of you want to get more serious, right?

As it turns out, missing someone is often something we can't control. It has to do with brain chemistry.

Brain Chemistry, And How It Affects Our Feelings

When you miss someone, your brain is registering a deficit of one or more chemicals responsible for mood regulation.

More specifically, if you get a consistent supply of dopamine, seratonin, and oxytocin from a specific source, and then that source disappears, your conscious mind interprets that as "missing" that thing.

When a man's wife goes on a business trip, he misses her because she is not supplying the "feel-good" chemicals she normally does.

And guess what? Sex releases all those same chemicals. So even if casual fun partners only have sex, and don't do any dating, they can still miss each other.

What To Do If You Miss Your Hookup

If you miss your hookup when she's gone, you have two options for the next course of action:

1.) You can grit your teeth and keep hooking up casually.

2.) You can make her miss you too, increasing your chances of going from a one-night stand type of relationship to a more emotionally attached one.

First, you'll need to decide which of those you want.

Should My Hookup and I Stay As A Casual Fling Or Get More Serious?

Hooking up is great. All the benefits of sex without the commitment of a relationship, right?

Well, yes and no. Let's take a look at some of the perks, as well as the drawbacks, of staying fuck buddies:

The Pros of Hooking Up - A Quick List of The Obvious Reasons

Obviously, lots of people want to hookup. Here's why hook up culture has exploded in the modern world:

• Hooking up can be fun.
• Hooking up can be exciting.
• Hooking up can be a good way to feel closer to someone you like.
• It's also a great way to explore your own sexuality.

But there are also more subtle benefits to hooking up, especially as it relates to the potential for a serious relationship.

You get to try the physical stuff you and your partner have been dreaming about.

One of the perks of hooking up casually is that it allows you to try things that you've never had the chance to try without being committed to the other party.

This can be especially helpful for more taboo acts, like anal sex or BDSM play.

If one or both partners are interested in exploring their sexuality more deeply and want to see if they like certain activities, hooking up provides an opportunity for them to do so without committing themselves fully into a relationship with one another (or risking their friendship).

Pro of Hooking Up Before Dating: You can make sure you're both sexually compatible with each other.

This may seem like a no-brainer, but it's actually not as simple as it sounds. In the United States, the vast majority of spousal infidelity is the direct result of sexual incompatibility.

If you and your partner are hooking up, you know you are sexually compatible. That eliminates the possibility of not being compatible in the bedroom should you choose to bring things to the next level.

Of course, hooking up is not all sunshine and rainbows.

Cons of Hooking Up: You might be getting closer to someone who isn't actually that great for you.

If you consistently have casual sex with someone, you might also be getting closer to someone who isn't actually that great for you.

If they start showing more interest in you, maybe they're just looking for a rebound after their last relationship didn't work out. Or maybe they want something serious but aren't ready yet and don't know how to tell you.

Either way, hooking up can lead to some awkward situations later on when things get serious, and one or both parties realize that it's not what they signed up for initially.

Just hooking up is not really fair if a lot of the work is coming from one side.

It can be a lot of work to seduce someone, especially if they don't seem interested in the real you.

If you're the one who does all of the initiating, it might feel like your partner is taking advantage of you because they are getting something out of it but not doing anything for you (i.e., giving up their time or effort).

Ok, so you've read through those pros and cons, and you're still confident want to bring things to the next level with your hookup. Now it's just a matter of making it happen.

How To Make Your Casual Sex Partner Miss You

The good news is that science says it's pretty easy to make a hookup miss you.

Women, according to sex studies, tend to form an emotional connection from sex more often than males do. This means that, if you have been having casual sex with a woman, there is a good chance she feels something for you. This happens with men as well.

Of course, maximizing this effect will work wonders for your chances of a stronger love life, so we should go into some more detailed information about how to make that girl or guy miss you.

#1: Create More Space

If you've been spending time with your hookup for a few months, they're probably very used to you. They have used that time to get to know you and deepen the relationship. If you want your hook up to miss you, it's time to play hard to get.

Stop texting them as often. If you see this person on a daily basis (a coworker, for example,) reduce the amount you talk to them.

Don't overdo it - you don't want them to lose interest or think that the guy they've been seeing for a few months just wants to be friends. You just want them to realize how much fun they have with you.

It's also a good idea to limit calls to this person. Make them miss the sound of your voice and the conversation you had with them.

They will start to miss the little things about you first, like the way you smell or the way you laugh with your friends. Then, they'll miss other things like your sense of humor and your overall personality. From there, it's only a matter of time before they spend all night thinking about you.

#2 Don't Wait To Leave After Sex

If you want your hookup partner to really miss you, consider leaving immediately after doing the deed. Instead of spending all night talking to her, go home and let her wonder what you're doing.

You don't have to hang out with them after you bang. In fact, doing so can fulfill both partners' desire to date without actually bringing the relationship to the next level.

If you want to formalize the relationship as more than just friends with benefits, you should remind your hookup that you don't actually have a relationship yet. Show her that steps need to be taken (like a date or conversation) in order to really get the most out of you as a person.

#3 Hang Out With Other Women

People who write relationship advice tend to warn against this tip, and for good reason.

If you don't do it exactly right, you can end up really hurting someone you care about.

If you want to risk it, however, and you do it properly, you can make any hookup absolutely crazy for you.

Women and men alike have a shared core weakness: jealousy. Making your date jealous by suggesting you may have a sex life outside of them will make any girl miss you like crazy.

If you're a woman or gay man, and you want to make a guy miss you, then you can do the same thing: Suggest that you may have relationships or hook up with other men.

Just don't go too far with it. You want to make her jealous, not ready to swear off relationships forever.

Post a story on Instagram with a girl or guy barely visible in the background. Mention a date night in your Facebook status or Instagram post to suggest that you might be on a date with someone else.

This will make anyone jealous, which means they'll double down on wanting a relationship with you.

#4: Do Some Sleuthing To Discover Your Hook Up Partner's Emotional Needs

Part of the reason you may not yet have a relationship with this person is that they simply don't think you would be a good emotional fit.

If you want to date someone, you need to show them that you can make them happy beyond sex.

Investigate your hookup's social media to find their favorite books, movies, or video games. Bring them up casually in your next conversation to show that you like the same things they do.

Show them the real you by letting your sense of humor out more. Gil Greencross, a psychology professor and relationship expert, says that being funny and showing your humor makes you more desirable. So let the jokes fly!

#5: Mention "The Others"

This one is cruel, but it can definitely lead to a more serious relationship with your hookup.

Mention all the other people who want to hook up with you. Don't make it obvious or hurtful, but just make it clear that you're a hot commodity and that you could date whomever you want.

This can often snap a person out of a sex-crazed haze and make them realize they do, in fact, want a real relationship with you.

This is most effective with women who want to make a guy miss them, since men tend to be more angry about competing mates than jealous.

#6: Refuse Consenting To Sex On Occasion

Let your partner know that you have emotional needs and that you feel too much like a piece of meat. This is not only good for making them miss you and your body, but it can also give you a break from casual sex that might help you see things more clearly.

In a real relationship, not everything is sex. As such, it's important to envision a life where you are dating this person, but not always having sex. You might find that any sexual dry spells would quickly end your desire to date them (which is good to know before you actually date.)

#7: Send Them a Cute Gift

If creating distance and jealousy isn't working, you should consider doing the opposite.

Send them a bouquet of flowers while they're at work, or a heart-shaped box of chocolates when they're out of town. Anything to make them blush will do!

This will remind them of how much they miss you when you aren't around. Besides all the methods described above, this is what can turn a fling into a relationship: Showing that you genuinely care about them.

How NOT To Make Someone Miss You: Act Desperate

Desperation is when you're so needy for attention that you'll do anything and everything to get it.

You might even do things that aren't in line with what you want just to get someone's attention—like pretending to be someone else on social media or lying about who you are in real life.

When it comes to dating, being desperate means acting like someone who will settle for anything because they're just so lonely or unhappy with their life that they'll take whatever scraps are thrown their way.

Desperate people aren't happy with their own lives, so they seek out other people who can fill the voids that exist in their hearts.

But here's the thing: if you're not happy with yourself, how can anyone else be attracted to you? If you don't believe in yourself enough to have standards and expectations of others, why would anyone foster the kind of respect for you needed for them to be your mate?

A healthy relationship starts with self-love. You deserve to be missed! If you can make yourself believe that, others will also believe it.

No one wants someone who is desperate, so make sure you set boundaries and give yourself - and your partner - the space and respect that a relationship needs as a foundation.

What To Do Now That Your Hookup Misses You

After you spend time making her miss you, pick a moment to reenter her world. Many relationships start in moments like these, so be sure you're ready for dating before talking to her about it.

By now, she should miss you a lot, so show her the real you and talk to her about how much you would enjoy life with her as your girlfriend. If everything has gone smoothly, she'll say yes on the spot.

The best thing that can occur here is that she falls for you, but understand that that won't always be the case. If she doesb't want a relationship, then it's time to let it go. After all, you can't force someone into a happy relationship.

Now that you have the tools to make a hookup miss you, you're ready to get going. Just be careful not to hurt anyone's feelings, or ignore your own!