How To Hookup With A Friend - Full Guide
Who hasn't dreamt of hooking up with a friend? It's a pretty common fantasy, and one that many people have made a reality over the years. However, hooking up with friends comes with a number of pitfalls and dangers, not to mention actually making it happen can be quite difficult.
But today, we're going to relationship coach you through the whole process. We're going to tell you exactly why you should hook up with friends and how to make it a reality. Forget Tinder hookups, friend hookups are much more fun. If you want to hook up with someone from your social circle, our article is here to help.
Why Hookup With Friends?
This is the big question. Why would you want to hook up with someone you know? Isn't it just a recipe for disaster. Well, not always. The key appeal is familiarity and pre-established connections. You already know each other. You've likely already built up some trust together. If you're both single and horny, what's wrong with indulging your sexual needs together?
It's fun. It feels good. And providing you're both on the same page, there's nothing stopping you continuing your friendship as well as getting sexy. You also don't have to worry about thinking up new conversation topics, because if you've been pals for a while, chances are you already have a few things in common.
3 Questions To Ask Before Hooking Up With Friends
Sleeping with ladyfriends from your social circle isn't for everyone. Before you decide that you want to journey down this avenue, you need to ask yourself 3 big questions. Who are you going to sleep with? Why are you choosing this kind of relationship over a regular one? And are you the kind of person who would thrive in a FWB arrangement?Who?
This is the most important question. What lucky person from your social circle is going to be your hookup partner? You might have a specific person in mind or you might be open to offers, but it's crucial that you consider this beforehand. Be very aware that once you have a one night stand with your female pal, your relationshipwill never be the same again.
For that reason, stay away from your best bud and girls you're super close to. Sure, fucking them will feel good at the time, but once the deed is done, there's going to be a lot of awkard conversations and sensations rearing their head. It isn't like some random Tinder date. You're gonna need to stay pals with these girls once you've exited the bedroom.Why?
Why do you want casual sex with someone you know? Is there a reason you're more attracted to the idea of banging someone you're close with rather than some random girl off a dating app? Question your motivations before taking the steps to make it happen, because you might be looking for hook ups for the wrong reasons.
Are you hoping your fuck date might turn into a thriving relationship? Are you secretly in love with that girl you know and you're hoping that casual sex might be a gateway to something more? If so, these are not reasons to enter a friends with benefits situation with them. There's a huge difference between FWB and regular relationships, and one rarely turns into the other.How?
How are you going to make such an arrangement work? Do you have the emotional detachment required to do so? Do you have the time? Do you have available travel to get to her house at midnight? Do you have your own place to invite her to, or will you need to check with your mom first? Ask yourself these questions and be honest with your answers.
Furthermore, are you okay with potentially ruining a friendship? We'll be honest, FWB arrangements can sometimes get messy, so if you value your friendship over a casual hookup, then it's sometimes a good idea to reconsider your ideas. Take a moment to look at the big picture and then proceed accordingly.
3 Ways To Hookup With Friends
So, you've decided that sleeping with someone you know is the right choice. The next question on your mind might be; how do I actually hook up with one of my lady pals? Well there are a few ways to make it happen, and it really comes down to your personal preferences. Here are 3 ways to segue into a FWB arrangement.
The easiest way to bang a FWB arrangement is to straight up ask for one. Don't worry, hookup culture has made everyone involved a lot more honest, and most sex-seekers appreciate honesty and transparency over mind games. So, if you know exactly who you want as a FWB sex partner, just message them and make your intentions clear.
Of course, you don't have to be precise in your message. Just a simple overview will suffice. "Hey, I'm not seeing anyone right now, would you be interested in meeting up, seeing how things go?" Something like this is more than adequate, but you can provide more detailed information if you think it'll help your cause.
Next time you're on a night out with your social circle, zone in one girl in particular and try your luck. This is exactly how a lot of FWB relationships begin - by creating mutual attraction in a social setting. If luck is on your side, it could very easily result in a one night stand, or better yet, a long-term FWB deal.
Obviously you'll need to a little effort in. Dance with her, buy her drinks, make good conversation, make it clear that you're interested in her. If she returns the favor, she'll make it clear. Use the vibe of the night to your advantage, and remember to always play it cool. If she rejects you then no harm done.
Message a woman in your social circle and invite her over your place to hang out. Be as innocent as possible, and when you're together, steer the conversation towards a potential casual sex situation. If she agrees to come over your place at all, that suggests she might feel the same way about you (but of course, never assume).
Don't be creepy about things. Instead, just say something like "if you're not seeing anyone, would you ever be interested in something casual with me?" Don't give her a long list of reasons why she should fall for you. Just let her digest the information and wait for her response. You'll be surprised how effective simplicity is.
Hooking Up With Friends: Ground Rules
If you want to enjoy a thriving FWB deal, there's a few rules you need to keep in mind at all times. These kinds of arrangements take work. You can't just go in nonchalantly and hope everything works out for the best. Here's what you need to know:
Know Your Role
You're not married. You're not boyfriend and girlfriend. You're two fuck buddies who go their separate ways once morning comes. Sure, you might sometimes party together with the rest of your social circle, but it's important to maintain your roles at all times. Don't assume there's anything more on the table because in most cases, there isn't.
Likewise, you both need to keep your expectations in check. From the moment you agreed to a casual sex arrangement, you gave her the freedom to do anything she wanted. She might be seeing other guys every night of the week, and you need to be totally fine with that. Such processing can take time, but it's important to realize it sooner rather than later.
Stay Away From Close Friends
Never, under any circumstances, hook up with one of your best pals. It doesn't matter how sexy she is. It doesn't matter if she's got a supermodel figure. She's your pal first, and when you add casual sex into the mix, it creates a recipe for a broken friendship. You can get sex from a million other women, so don't sacrifice your friendship for short-term satisfaction.
For this reason, it's a good idea to stay from those closest to you. If they're the kind of person you see every weekend and have genuine, non-sexual fun with, don't risk losing them over your sexual urges. Plenty more options will come along in the future, and unless you plan on declaring your love for the other person, it's not worth taking the risk for a little sex.
You and your fuck partner need to be on the same page from day one. If you're not, you're going to run into a world of trouble down the line. For example, what's the deal with sleepovers? Are you allowed to tell your other pals that you're seeing other? Is going to the cinema together allowed or is it too much of a big deal?
Remember, you're not "dating" as such, so you shouldn't be acting like date partners. If you have this awkward conversation early on in your relationship, you can ensure you both feel comfortable going forward. The bad news is that hookup relationships always get messy at some point, but if you're prepared for it, you can mitigate the damages.
You're both in this for the sex, right? That's fine. Now, imagine how disappointed you'd be if you hooked up with a mate only to find she barely put any effort in. Not only would it have been a waste of time, but you'd exchange some awkward glances next time you and your crew are out at the bar.
She's going to feel the same way about you. That's why you need to make your sex sessions memorable. Don't just give her the set menu then throw your pants back on. Give her some dirty talk. Learn some new positions. Get yourself prepared to give her the best sex of her life. If you do, you'll get much more out of your casual dating arrangement.
Always Gets Consent
Consent might seem like a grey area these days, but it's pretty simple. If the person you're dating says no, then you stop whatever you're doing. There's a common belief that if you're in a FWB relationship, you're owed sex whenever you want it. Unfortunately, this isn't true, so if your date partner starts refuse consenting then you need to be okay with it.
Nothing will kill your FWB arrangement quicker than being pushy. If at any point she feels uncomfortable, you can be damn sure she'll end your deal in the blink of an eye. Maybe she's busy. Maybe she's on a date with a new person. Maybe she's too tired to hook up. Whatever her reason for not wanting to meet up, it's cool, and you should accept it.
Jealous? Get Out
It's very easy for emotions to get in the way. Everyone is a slave to their biological responses, including us and our partners. Processing these feelings can be quite difficult and can lead to real emotional issues down the line. Put simply, if you start feeling jealous of the fact your hookup partner isn't your exclusive partner, it's time to get out.
Catching feelings is the kiss of death. You can try and talk it out with your partner, but that will just make everything much more troublesome. The sad truth is that you're only together for the sex, and chances are she doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about her. It sucks, but we're afraid it's the truth.
The world of hookup culture has a ton of upsides, but let's not forget it comes with a bit of risk too. One such risk is the rise of STDs. From the moment you step into the bedroom with a fuck partner, you're opening yourself up to potential infections. It doesn't matter if the girl is one of your closest confidantes - there's always the chance you could catch a few love bumps.
That's why you need to play it safe at all times. Protection exists for a reason, so use it. As well as STDs, there's also a few more risks that come with casual hookups. Imagine trying to explain to your buddies that you got your mutual ladyfriend pregnant. That would be awkward for everyone involved, so play it cool and wrap your tool.
Accept The Inevitable
This is the most important part. The whole point of a FWB arrangement is that it will eventually come to an end. Audience insights show that FWB deals rarely progress to anything more, and it makes sense that it wouldn't. Your casual arrangement is based on a lack of commitment, so trying to introduce commitment down the line will just feel jarring.
When the fun comes to an end, it's important to stay respectful and accept your partner's decision. It doesn't mean you can't still be pals afterwards, either. After all, the whole reason you got into a casual arrangement is because you were buddies to begin with. Don't be sad that it's over. Be happy that it happened.
Ending a Hookup Relationship - And Staying Friends!
Give Them Space
When you and your ladyfriend end things, you might feel awful. You might feel like you did something wrong or hurt her feelings. Therefore, you might be tempted to reach out and offer your condolences. Don't do this. your ladyfriend needs a bit of space to process everything's that happened.
And the same goes for you too. Don't just rush out and replace her. Don't just load up a dating site and start browsing for new women. If your ex-hookup buddy feels like you've just replaced her with a different model, it could hurt your friendship in the long term.
Don't Hook Up Again
There'll be moments in your life when your erection will do the thinking for you. At times like this, you might be tempted to reach out to your ex-hookup buddy and try your luck. Alternatively, she might reach out to you and request a little sexy time. If you've broken up and you're trying to repair your friendship, DON'T give in to temptation.
Doing this will just prolong your hardships. It's like going cold turkey on booze only to have a massive session after a week. The good news is that the longer you go without fucking them, the easier it will get for you. After a couple of months, you wo't want to hook up with her at all.
Value Their Friendship
Reiterate to your ex-hook up buddy how important her friendship is to you. Break ups from casual arrangements can be tough because it's very easy for one or both of the people involved to feel used. This is especially true for women, who tend to get used for sex a lot more than men do. If she's feeling vulnerable, you need to help her through it.
Tell her that you'll still be there for her even though you're not sleeping together anymore. Tell her you had a totally great time and that it won't affect your friendship going forward. And most of all, reassure that you won't go blabbing to the est of your pals about the things you got up to in the bedroom.
Your Next FWB Hookup Awaits
Why bother with online dating apps when linking up with women you know gets equally great results? If you've got some single companions, you'll be surprised at how many of them would be down for some discreet, non-commital sex. You both want it, and neither of you wants anything more. It makes sense to make it happen. We hope our hook up article has given you some food for thought!